Just the Way You Are

Do you ever wish that you could step outside yourself and see you how other people see you? I mean, it’s impossible to really see yourself as others see you. You can only have one point of view – your own. And that is influenced by everything you have experienced in your life. So there is no way to do it. But at some point in time everyone worries about it. Whether it’s as a little kid or a self-conscious teenager. Even as adults many people worry about what other people think about them.

So yeah, often times I wonder about how others see me. I have had some surprising moments where people tell me that they think something about me – like what an extrovert I am (I’m not!). Another time someone told me I was too intimidating?? I was amazed at that one since I think I’m very easy going and friendly. But, I have no way of knowing what they are seeing in me. Maybe somewhere in their life they had someone who looked like me or sounded like me and they were intimidated by them, so when they see me they are intimidated.

And you never know when something about you is going to strike a cord in someone else. It doesn’t even really have to be something you say or do. I had one child that seemed to warm up to me very quickly. They wanted to sit by me, hold my hand and came to me when they were upset. Then one day they told me that I reminded them of their mother. I asked if I looked like her and they shook their head no and seemed to think about it for a minute. Then they responded “You smell like her”. Hm, okay. I guess that’s a good thing. Saying I smell doesn’t have to be a bad thing LOL. Perhaps I wore the same perfume or used the same deodorant. But for whatever reason, I reminded him of his mother. You never know what is going to trigger something in someone else. Have you ever met someone who had the same name as someone you hated in your past? You don’t want to associate them with that person – but in some ways you do. Even if it is to not trust them right away. Associations in your brain is how  we learn. So your brain is constantly trying to make those associations. But it can also reason, so while it may first associate the person with the one you hated – as you get to know the person, if they are a good person, your brain will reason that this association isn’t valid.

Wanting to understand how people see you and where you fit into the world is something everyone wants to do at some point. Understanding yourself and your own self image is something many people struggle with. I know I use to worry all the time about what people thought or how I came across to other people. I was very self-conscious. It was very stressful worrying about what other people thought. So, I gave up doing it. I really just kind of stopped caring what other people thought. I adopted the saying I use often – those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. I dyed my hair blue. I started speaking up at meetings. I stopped apologizing for everything I said and did. I stopped living as if I was an inconvenience to people. I started living like my opinions and thoughts mattered.

Now maybe sometimes I go a bit over board. I can now be a little loud, a bit pushy, and if some are to be believed – I can be loud and obnoxious. But. Honestly, after living over half my life as a scared door mat, I think I’d vote for loud and obnoxious. It’s more fun.

The End of 2015

So, I don’t know when the last time I actually posted here was. Some time in 2013 I think. That’s a long time to go between blog posts. But I’ve been busy. Changing my life, changing me, changing the world (I hope). But as this year comes to an end, I started thinking – I miss my blog. I miss sharing my thoughts, sharing my ideas, sharing my life.

So, I decided to take out my blog, brush it off, do some minor repairs (it happens when you get old) and start blogging again. I’m at an interesting point in my life. I’ve gone through some changes over the last couple years – some big, some not so big. I am in a better place and a better mind set in my life. Not that there isn’t room for change. But for the few people who are interested, I’m going to try and fill you in and take you on my journey as I continue to try and grow and change on this wild ride we call life. Sit back, relax, fasten your seatbelts. Please remain seated through the entire ride. Do not stand up until the ride has come to a complete stop. Thank you for joining me and I hope you enjoy my blog.

On the Right Track

My daughter has been working on eating healthier, losing weight, and getting fit. I would love to also, but up to now have only half jumped on the wagon. But with the rest of my life falling nicely into place, I have decided that it is time to really kick it into high gear. Since we moved, I have been way more active than I’ve been in years. I have accomplished more than I did in 7 years at my old place. I went from sitting in front of the computer almost every waking moment to moving and doing. We started taking walks, I rode a bike for the first time in over 5 years, I mowed a lawn (which I hadn’t done since I was a teen). We are walking, doing, moving, and shaking. But that isn’t enough. I’ve got to get organized with it. I’ve got to start taking stock of what I am eating, drinking, and doing. It’s time to get on the right track.

So, today, for the first time in er…. a long time? I stepped on a scale. The good news is – I haven’t gained any weight in 7 years. That’s a relief. But, the fact is – I haven’t lost any weight in 7 years. Sigh. I turned 45 a month or so ago. I’m very obese, I smoke, and I eat wrong – all the time. Now, I am sure that many people don’t believe me when I say I don’t over eat. When someone is morbidly obese (can you believe they call it that???) people look at them like they are sneaking in the closet to stuff Big Macs into their face, or sneaking out in the middle of the night for donuts. The truth is – I don’t. I don’t eat a ton of junk. But, I don’t eat as healthy as I can. My diet usually consists of a ton of coffee, with cream and sugar, and maybe one meal a day. Usually whatever I make for the family. Now, granted – it’s usually a big meal. But it’s the only meal I eat. There are so many people who say if you reduce your calories – you will lose weight. Wellll, yes and no. I don’t even eat 1800 calories a day. But, what I do eat is in one lump. My metabolism is crap, my exercise is crap, and my habits are crap. So, truth is – I don’t eat fast food, I don’t eat candy, cake, donuts, etc. But I also don’t eat in ways that kick my metabolism into gear. I don’t exercise enough. And I don’t pay attention to my health.

So, you may ask yourself what I am doing about it. I’m so glad you asked that question. I’ve got a plan. I’ve gone techie. I’ve got a smart phone (love this thing), I’ve got a computer, and I’m armed with a scale in the kitchen. When looking at fitness, I learned a cool thing from my daughter – there’s an app for that lol. I’m including links to the sites, which will show you the apps too, that I’m going to be tracking myself with. We’ve worked out an awesome schedule that I am really excited about. It goes something like this –

Monday – 30 minutes biking

Tuesday – 30 minutes walking

Wednesday – 30 minutes biking

Thursday – 30 minutes walking

Friday – 30 minutes biking

Saturday – 30 minutes walking

Sunday – rest

Now, that’s not the only things I’m going to be doing, and I’ll be sure to keep a log of all my activities. I want to lose 2 pounds a week. One of the sites/apps allows me to log everything I eat into it. I want to make healthier choices in my foods, but more importantly – I want to eat more than once a day. I want to stick to at least 3 meals a day, with at least one healthy snack somewhere in there. A biggie for me is going to be my drinking problem. Wait, wait, wait. It’s not what you think. I’m not a closet alcoholic. My problem is sugary drinks – soda, coffee with tons of cream and sugar, kool aid, etc. I need to make healthier drink choices. I’m not against water. In fact, I do pretty good with my water intake already. But, it’s more than just drinking enough water, it’s cutting out all the bad drinks too. So, making healthier choices is going to involve breaking a lot of bad habits and replacing them with good ones. Also keeping an eye on portion control. I am amazed at how many people have no clue what that is. In America especially, we have been told for so long to super size it, we have no idea what a healthy portion of anything is. Bigger is better, right? No. A healthy meal is not even close to the portions we are served in most restaurants. We are over served everywhere we go. Including in our own kitchens.

While I’m not intending to become a health food freak (no insult to anyone intended!). I just want to make better choices in my life and make changes I can live with. Because dieting, at least for me, does not work. Sacrificing things I love in favor of bean sprouts and tofu are not my idea of a way of life I can live with. I can, however, put back that second slice of bread for a healthier choice. I can switch sugary coffee for flavored water. I can take less potatoes and more veggies. That’s the kinds of choices I want to make. But most importantly – I can move. I can shake it and bake it outside. I can get my groove on and take the weight off. But more importantly, for anyone who has followed this blog at all, I can rejoin life. I can step out into the sun and start living. Onward and upward.