When Is Enough…. Enough?

So they say patience is a virtue. They say that things that don’t kill you make you stronger. Slow and steady wins the race. So it’s a good idea to keep your nose to the grindstone, press on, and just keep going. I’ve done this all my life, just kept plugging and hoping to get ahead. I’ve thought that if I just kept trying hard enough, I would get through and things would be awesome. And in some cases it’s been true. I’ve come a long way. I’ve gotten stronger by living through all of the hardships I’ve face in my life. But the one thing I think I haven’t really learned is when to call it quits. I haven’t learned to realize when I’m fighting a losing battle. Or when it’s time to make a change. Oh, there’s the scary word – change. I think sometimes I get stuck in a vicious cycle simply because I’m afraid of making a change. I think many people are willing to put up with a lot of things just to avoid making a change. Because change is an unknown. And the unknown is scary. What if you make a change and it’s worse. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. What if you make a change and it’s a huge mistake. So I think I worry about the unknown so much that I stay in bad situations or bad jobs, or keep people in my life way too long.

I have had several times in my life where I have continued down a path long after I realize that it’s not the right way. I’ve kept people in my life long after I realize they are not good for me, or healthy. I make up excuses or forgive over and over to avoid confrontation or mistakes. Looking back, hindsight is 20/20. I can look back after I finally make the change and say – you knew that it was a mistake. You knew that you were going in the wrong direction. So why did I stay on that path or keep that person in my life. I was married to my first husband and it took over two years to divorce him even though it was a disaster before we even got married. I stayed in a job that almost killed me for 7 years, when after 2 I knew it was not good for me. I duck and dodge to avoid confronting people when I know I should. From telemarketers, bill collectors, even to “friends” I know aren’t healthy for me. I try to tell myself that no one is perfect and that everyone deserves to be accepted the way they are. I am far from perfect so who am I to judge them? I realize that there is good in everyone if you look for it. And so I have a lot of damaged people in my life. I’m willing to accept them the way they are. But when is enough enough? When do I decide that it’s no longer healthy for me and my family to have them in my life? Or how unhappy do I have to be before I make a change?

Looking at a situation, whether it be a job, a friend, a marriage, or a habit, the point is – maybe I shouldn’t wait so long to make changes. Maybe I deserve a little more and shouldn’t put up with so much. I seem to always consider everyone else besides myself. I do without so I can give to others. I put my own time, happiness and needs after everyone else. I try to tell myself that this is because I want to help others, that I care about other people. But the flip side of that coin is maybe I don’t value myself enough. I don’t prioritize my own needs high enough. So I put up with things that maybe I shouldn’t for those reasons. I needed to look at the things in my life, the people in my life and move forward. Heck, the whole reason I started this blog was to make those changes. Some of them I have. I am living in a much nicer place, I have a much better job. I have walked away from some people who have been very damaging to me and my life. I’m about to make some new, big changes. And it’s scary. And I’m afraid of falling on my face. I’m afraid of failing. But, if I don’t make changes, things will never change. So, no matter how scared I may be, I’ve got to try. Because in the end, I would rather try and fail than stay in the same place just because I’m afraid of changing. It’s time to make myself a priority. I guess, in the end – enough is enough.

Advertisements