I had a recent medical scare that really got me thinking about things. A couple of weeks ago, I found some moles on my back that looked really bad. I did some research online and by all means it looked like melanoma or skin cancer. Pretty scary word, cancer. So, even without insurance and pretty much broke – you don’t put something like this off. You have to get it checked. So, doctor appointment made, the two week wait to see him gave me time to think about things. I talked to friends and family. I started to think “what if this is cancer?” What if’s can be a bad thing sometimes. Regrets can eat you up. But, sometimes, it can really help you re-evaluate your life and look at things in a different way. It can wake you up to things that maybe you are missing. Remind you how blessed you are in your life. It made me realize how many people I have in my life that I love, and that love me. How many people are cheering for me, pulling for me, helping me. How important it is to live life, love life, and love those in my life. Because, even if you aren’t dying from cancer, even if you don’t have health problems, even if you live a long, healthy life – there are only so many days to everyone’s life. There is only so many chances to tell someone that they are important to you. There are only so many years you can do certain things. If you don’t do them when you get the chance – you may never get to do them. I see all the time, especially online, things that remind you to say I love you as much as you can, to hug those around you often, to stop and smell the roses, to take chances, to live life to the fullest. Because, before you know it – it will be gone. The loved ones around you may pass before you. The ones you love will be left behind when you go. Then all that will be left is memories. Good memories, as well as bad memories. To me, it is important to make as many good memories as we can before we go.
I looked over my goals that I’ve made for myself this year and the changes I want to make. They are good goals. And focusing on me is very important. The changes I want to make are very important. But, just as important are the goals that include others. When I go, I want people to remember the good memories about me. I want people to remember the happy times. The times where I helped them, or they got to help me. The times we laughed together. Even the times we cried, but were there for each other, because those are important too. I want to be remembered as a good person. A person who cared, who loved, who gave, who lived their life to the fullest. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m going bunjee jumping or jump out of a working airplane. That may be something some people want to do. But no, not me. Me, I want to read some of the books I’ve been putting off. Do some of the things with my kids that I’ve been wanting to do. I want to stop saying tomorrow and do today. I want to remember to say I love you every day. I want to make someone’s life better each day. It’s not hard – a smile, a thank you, a hug. All of these things are small but make a huge difference. I want to look into the joy of my youngest son’s face and see the world through his eyes. I want to listen to music with my teenage son and appreciate his opinions. I want to talk to him. I want to talk about all kinds of things – stories from his past, plans for his future. I want to laugh with my oldest daughter and appreciate the woynderful adult she is. I want to share with her my recipes, my thoughts, hear her plans for the future, and let them all know how special they are to me. I want to re-connect to my husband. The last six years of working opposite shifts, struggling with money, and facing numerous challenges has had its toll on my marriage. I want to remember how I felt on our wedding day. But, it doesn’t stop there, I want to re-connect to everyone. I want to talk to my sister about our lives. I want to hug my mom – she won’t be here forever. I want to enjoy every day I have with her. And friends, and other family. Because when it comes down to it – the stuff you have in your life is just stuff. The really important things in life, the things that really matter are the people who love you and care about you. The people you share your life with. In that way I am very, very blessed.
Thankfully, when I went to the doctor yesterday, it wasn’t cancer. It was something called seborrheic keratoses. They can often be mistaken for melanoma. But they are harmless. Due to my skin type, heredity, sun exposure, they form, but really are nothing. But the doctor was very glad I had them checked out and said it was the smartest thing to do. So, that is not a battle I have to fight today. But, I am thankful for it anyway. Because it reminded me of what is important in life, and who is important in my life. And I think sometimes we all need to stop and count our blessings in our life. Before it’s too late.