When I was little, I was taught to be nice. I was taught to be polite. I was told that you didn’t interrupt others when they were talking. You didn’t take things from others. You always say nice things. You just weren’t mean. I learned those lessons and manners well. Maybe it didn’t help that I was picked on and bullied in school for much of my earlier school days. I hated it and always swore I wouldn’t be mean to others. Maybe it’s just my personality. I don’t know. But I never thought there was a thing as being too nice. I always thought that being called nice was a compliment. How could it be a bad thing? It meant that people would like me, that people would want to be around me. I also learned the golden rule in school – treat others as you wanted to be treated. I was told that if you treat other people nice, they would treat you nice. Boy, were they wrong. It didn’t work in school, it didn’t work in life. All those nice little rules they teach you in school, like don’t judge a book by it’s cover, pretty is as pretty does, if you ignore bullies they will stop. You know them – we were all told them. But yeah, all crap. It is a nice idea – if everyone did it. Like a lot of things in life, if everyone doesn’t do it – it won’t work. World peace is a lot like that. The main reason world peace doesn’t work is because every country wants peace, but doesn’t act peaceful to each other. It’s great to treat others like you want to be treated, but does no good if the other people don’t do the same.
I was raised to believe that girls shouldn’t fight. That they should be good girls. And I raised my kids to not fight either. My oldest, my daughter, I taught you should never hit someone. And maybe I was wrong. Fighters get somewhere. I would never change her. I think she is a sweet, loving, caring person – who has made a great success of her life. But she struggles with being too nice too. I also brought my boys up that you don’t fight. Fighting doesn’t solve anything. Violence is not a solution to anything. But what if they were fighters? Would it be so bad? With all the people out there willing to be cut throat am I really doing them a favor by teaching them to walk away? I know that I am struggling as an adult with being too nice. Yup, too nice. I have a hard time hurting people’s feelings. I have trouble turning people away or turning them down. It boils down to the fact that I don’t want anyone to be disappointed or hurt. So instead, I swallow it and do it. But that doesn’t make me happy. It doesn’t take into consideration my needs and wants. And when they don’t return the same thing to me, I feel hurt. I feel disappointed. I try not to, but I find myself expecting everyone to do the same for me that I do for them. The golden rule, treat others as you want to be treated. I want to be treated nicely, so I treat others nicely. But it doesn’t work. The rule is broken. There are far too many people out there who are takers and not givers. People out there to get whatever they can, screw everyone else. I need to learn that I need to not just give, but take what I need too. I am important. I count. Now, somehow I don’t think I will ever turn into a greedy, selfish person. But I also need to turn into a person who doesn’t feel guilty for taking what I need. I honestly believe in karma. I believe that you should send out good energy, positive things. But, it isn’t negative to take what you need from life. I honestly don’t think we are here to suffer and sacrifice. We are here to share and balance our lives. What I need to do is find that balance. And maybe be just a little not so nice.